I miss you, dad, more than you will ever know.
if you follow me on social media you will see that I rarely sensor my life from my readers and followers. It is with this in mind that I decided to write this post. If I am truly honest I have agonised over writing this. Not because I don’t feel I should share the following. But because it is still very raw and a daily struggle to face the new normal.
On the 13th of May 2017, my dad passed away following a long fight with cancer, It hurts to say those words but it hurts, even more, to face every day without him. I miss his cuddles, miss hearing his voice, I miss his laugh. I miss everything about him.
For the first few weeks, we found ourselves in a state of limbo. We had a constant stream of visitors and were caught up in a haze of funeral arrangements. But then the day comes, the day people believe you say goodbye. But the truth is you never say goodbye, you carry your loved one everywhere with you. They are in your thoughts, your heart, the places you go and the people around you.
And now just over three months down the line, I’m attempting the new normal. In a world where the colours don’t seem as bright and the smiles don’t seem as wide. I am in a bubble where I surround myself with those that were here in his final hours. And I cling to those who can share memories of him. I am trying to live my life the way he would want me to but it is heartbreaking witnessing events happen without him.
As a little girl, I always imagined my dad walking me down the aisle, holding my children and being the amazing grandad that he was to my niece. I feel robbed of those moments. I hate that people who are to enter my life from here on won’t have the joy of meeting this incredible man who along with my amazing mum made me who I am today.
That is why I decided to write this post. To explain my absence from social media and the blogging world, I am slowly working on bringing both back into my life. The reasons for this is that blogging is something I lovee and one of the things that my dad was immensely proud of. He would often tell people about books I was mentioned it or reviews I had written. So for both myself and him, I want to get back to that.
Which is why I will always strive to make my dad (my parents) proud in everything I do. And even though it hurts every second that he won’t be here to walk alongside with me, I know that he will always be in my heart, my words and the reflection that looks back at me.