On Sunday the 3rd of December I attended the Lights to Remember service at the Marie Curie Hospice in Solihull. This provided families the chance to remember a loved one who had been cared for by the Marie Curie team and had sadly passed away.
I went along with my mum, aunty and boyfriend to remember my dad and leave our dedication bauble for him.
My dad lost his long battle to cancer on the 13th of May this year and I miss him every single day, with the first christmas without him looming we have lost part of our magic and are trying to cope with December as best as we can. To be honest this is one of the reasons why I decided to do Blogmas this year… I wanted to look at the things that make christmas special and see if by posting daily and making myself do things in the run up to christmas I would be a little more prepared for the harder days that will come over the holiday season.
Christmas Eve will also mark my dads birthday, I have such amazing memories of celebrating christmas and his birthday with him and as much as these make me cry now they are also something I cherish, I know my dad won’t be there to celebrate future events like if i get engaged, married, have children etc and as much as I would trade everything to have him back I wouldn’t change a single moment of the years we had together (apart from his illness)
Going back to the hospice was emotional, not because it is hard being there or the first time i’ve been since my dad passed but because I could imagine my dad singing along with the hymns at the top of his voice, he had a great singing voice and always sang with enthusiasm. Like I said earlier I miss him every second of the day but him not being there belting out O’Holy Night at the top of his lungs left me in floods of tears.
As I looked around the crowd I realised that every single person there was feeling the void from missing a loved one and would be facing an empty seat at the dinner table on Christmas Day.
I wanted to share this post to show that Christmas is special not because of the gifts, the decorations and overindulging but because of who you spend it with…. your loved ones!
And finally before I end this post I wanted to thank the staff at Marie Curie in Solihull, for the past two and a half years they have supported us through my dads life limiting diagnosis as it progressed to palliative care and then afterwards as we grieve for him. The staff allowed us to carry out all my dads wishes from him visiting the hospice’s day centre to passing away at home with my mum as his main carer.
From the very first meeting with his amazing Specialist Nurse Lisa we felt comfortable and looked after as a family, they were and are there for us all. There is an overwhelming feeling of love and warmth at the hospice and I cannot thank them enough for the support they have given my family and I.